If there are words for Him, then i don't have them

Listen to the Song "Forever" By Kari Jobe and Brian Johnson. Just do it. And read this, you wont regret it. And then reread it.

If there are words for Him then I don't have them
You see my brain has not yet reached a point where it can form a thought where it can adequately describe the greatness of my God
And my lungs have not yet developed the ability to release a breath with enough agility to breathe out the greatness of His love
And my voice, you see my voice is so inhibited
Restrained by human limits
That it's hard to even sing the praise up
You see, if there are words for Him, then I don't have them
But my God, His grace is remarkable
His mercies are innumerable
Strength impenetrable
He is honorable, accountable, favorable
He's unsearchable, yet knowable,
Undefinable, yet approachable,
Indescribable, yet personable
He's beyond comprehension, further than imagination, constant through generations, King of every nation
But if there are words for Him then I don't have them
You see, my words are few
And to try and capture the One True God using my vocabulary would never do
But I use words as an expression
An expression of worship to a Saviour
A Saviour who is both worthy and deserving of my praise, so I use words
My heart extols the Lord, blesses His Name forever
He has won my heart, captured my mind, and has bound them both together
He has defeated me in my rebellion
Conquered me in my sin
He has welcomed me into His Presence
Completely invited me in
He has made Himself the object of my sight
Filling me with mercies in the morning, drowning me with grace in the night
But if there are words for Him then I don't have them
But what I do have is Good News
For my God knew that man made words would never do
But words are just tools that we use to point to the Truth
So He sent His Son Jesus Christ as the Word, living proof
He is the image of the Invisible God
First-born of all creation
By Him all things were created, giving nothingness formation
By His Word He sustains by the power of His Name
He is before all things and over all things He reigns
Holy is His Name
So praise Him for His life
The way He persevered in strife
The humble Son of God becoming the perfect sacrifice
Praise Him for His death
That He willingly stood in our place
That He lovingly endured the grave
That He battled our enemy and on the third day rose is victory
He is everything that was promised
Praise Him as the Risen King
Lift your voice and sing
For one day He will return for us and we will finally be united with our Saviour for eternity
Eternity
So it's not just words that I proclaim
For my words point to the Word, and the Word has a Name
Hope has a Name
Joy has a Name
Peace has a Name
Love has a Name
And that Name is Jesus Christ
Praise His Name forever.

1,000 Gifts: A Challenge

This past Sunday at church, Dawn Waltman spoke, and boy oh boy, was it a good sermon! The sermon itself was based off a book called One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp.

Ann Voskamp dares us to live fully right where we are, no matter what walk of life, by writing down the things we are thankful for, big or small. Can we, in one year, be thankful for 1,000 DIFFERNT things?

One thousand may seem like a pretty big number, and at first I was unsure if I could possibly find that many things to be thankful for. Such a depressing thought, because, as Dawn continued to speak, she reminded all of her audience that once you find one thing to be thankful for...you will find another, than another, than another! She read some of her list, and two items stood out to me: she was thankful for the "diamonds" that appeared upon the snow as the sun shown on it, and the icicles that were bent one way from the wind. These are not things we normally notice, we don't take the time to pay attention to how God reveals Himself to us. Yet, Dawn  realized how thankful she was for these things because they reminded her that God was indeed there, in the small town of Intercourse, PA.

Here's my notebook I use for devotionals. Already I've got a page marked "1,000 Gifts" and I'm taking up the challenge to find at least 1,000 things to be thankful for this coming year.

Dawn also mentioned something else in her sermon. We humans are programmed to worry and stress, unfortunately. Stress and worrying gets in the way of living in the moment, it speeds up time and we continue to become more stressed and more worried. Ann Voskamp's challenge to find things to be thankful for every day allows time to slow down. We have to pay attention to what is around us, we have to take the time to see what we pass by every day, and thank God for it. The more things we write down on the list, the more we realize God is there, the more we realize we can trust Him to provide in other areas of our life...the more we can let go of stress and worry because we have a God who formed what is around us, and He will take care of us. Personally, I stress too much. About everything. This coming year I pray keeping a list will help me to let go of my stress and worry and simply trust.

I challenge you to do the same.

God's Provision and Saying "YES!" to the Dress

God is good.
So good.
So. Very. Good.

Here's why. At least...one of the many reasons God is good :)

So, as you know, i'm getting married and weddings cost A LOT! Like holy crap amounts. And as a poor college student working two jobs, it's not like I have tons of money to spend. Well, when it came to searching for a wedding dress I decided the best place to start was David's Bridal in the "Below $600" section. I wasn't sure if i'd find "thee dress" since there aren't an abundant amount of options, but boy was I wrong.

On page 20 out of 23, my dream dress came up. (Alas, I will not explain what it looks like a great deal since I don't want anyone to know what it looks like other than a select few people until my wedding day). But to put it simply, it was gorgeous. Lace. Simple. And a good price for something so beautiful and elegant.

Here's the catch, I could only buy it online which means there is no trying on and deciding if I liked the feel and look on me. BUT GOSH WAS IT BEAUTIFUL. I knew I wanted it. At $599.99 I started saving. Every time I cashed a pay check, I'd put the change and a few dollars worth into an old pretzel container. Soon enough, I had just over $300. At this point, my appointment at David's bridal was just a month away and I knew I couldn't put too much more money away for it. Last resort, (which should have been my first resort) loads amount of prayer.

God blessed me a week ago as the dress went from $599.99 to $389.99. So much closer to what I had in my bin!!!!!!!!! I continued praying about it, just asking for any extra help in payment. Come two days ago, the dress went down ANOTHER $100!!! I could pay for my dress with the money I had in my pretzel bin. God is so good. Yet, I was still uncertain of whether or not I should purchase it since I didn't know my size and couldn't try it on until I had bought it. Sighing just a bit, I went into David's bridal this morning knowing that as soon as I found my size out, i'd buy that dress online.

I tried on two dresses and I absolutely LOVED this first one. It was lace with a champagne color underneath and was simply stunning. The next, I liked but it doesn't fit my theme for the wedding. As I stood there trying to decided what to do, Rochelle asked the lady helping me (Sharon) if she could find a dress in the store that had a halter neckline, since the dress online had a halter neckline and it would help if I had an idea of how it fit. She said she'd be right back and went off.

When she same back she had a lace dress with a halter top. Gosh, it looked like the one online! Then she started taking it out of the bag, it was ivory...just like the one online. The halter came into view, ruffled...just like the one online! All this time Morgan, Rochelle and I are saying "that looks like the one online!" So Rochelle asks "what is the code number on that dress?" The lady reads off "T9512"...

IT WAS THE DRESS I SAW ONLINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The dress I wanted but was afraid to purchase online for the reasons I mentioned above was RIGHT THERE IN FRONT OF ME! God is SO good.

We all gasped, teared up, and I went in the changing room to try it on. It fit perfectly. Just a small adjustment to the length of the halter top and I was golden. Everything else...the length, feel, style, color...all were right. As I walked out to show my roommates I did some sort of jig and cried out "THIS IS THE ONE!!!"

Needless to say...the next minutes to pass were ones of great joy, tears, gasps, praises and me almost fainting. And i'm being serious...I could have fainted. I thought I was going to. Not because the dress was too tight...but because God has provided for me the very dress I wanted from the start.

It gets better.

As we are freaking out and i'm telling Sharon what a miracle this is, another lady from the store comes over and we related the story to her of how this dress was suppose to be "only online" yet it was here. She was blown away to. You could just tell she knew it was meant to be...it was just that crazy of a circumstance. The one lady says to me then "I just put out that dress this morning. It's the only one in its size we have here. We just get random dresses from time to time that are leftover from before."

Wait...what? You JUST put this out this morning? This dress JUST happens to be in MY SIZE? It's the ONLY one here of its style? Shoot dang.

God provides.

The dress itself was just under $400, a bit more than online, which I'm totally ok with, because I knew this had be set up by God. He was looking out for me and granting a desire of my heart.

To say I am thankful seems an understatement. But one thing is for sure...I learned today just how awesome of a provider my God is...and I will never stop singing His praise.

Left. Me. Speechless.

One of my more recent facebook status updates read this:

 

I hear so often the phrase, "A picture is worth a thousand words," and although that may be true, a thousand words is sometimes not adequate to describe the places and experiences one has been. This past Thursday and Friday I spent traveling to some of the prettiest places I have ever been...while taking pictures and reviewing them I realized, none of these pictures are satisfactory. None of them ...capture the true beauty of what I am seeing. Experiences, my friends, are worth no words, for experiences like this week leave me speechless. In a place so beautiful and majestic, it is best to meditate on the all-powerful and perfect Creator. It was in the moments and experiences like these past two days my passion for sustainable agriculture was revived, my sense of purpose and calling evident. As I sit here writing this, a tear trickles down my face. Although spiritually I am ready to go Home, I can stand in confidence that I live in a world so full of wonders amidst the bad, and that my every action has the chance to benefit what surrounds me. What a wonderful gift it is to live this life, on this earth, with these people, serving my God.

 

 

Let me elaborate just a bit:

 

"What did I see?" you ask? My answer: I saw two pods of orcas twice in one day when no pods had been seen in a week; I saw two eagles clasp talons and plummet to the ocean below, only to break their bond and fly up high again; there were seals galore; golden eagles flying above my head; old growth forest with trees 5x larger than anything we have here in PA;  I saw friends tear up at VESPERS; hands raised high in worship; I saw sunsets that left me speechless.

 

I took pictures of EVERYTHING! Ok, minus friends crying and raising hands...and unfortunately not a picture of the eagles clasping talons. But what hit me while on my camping trip in the Olympic Mountains was that no picture could adequately portray the sounds, smells, and colors of what we all experienced in Washington. A video would have gotten sound...and a picture some of the colors, but nothing to equal the actual experience.

 

Looking back through my pictures on my camera, as I scroll from one to the next, I sigh because i'll never experience those things again just the way they were. Sometimes I would get so bogged down in taking pictures I wouldn't actually take the time and soak up my surroundings. Although I think I have some great pictures of my time at Au Sable, I regret not taking more time to spend in nature and simply gazing upon Creation or worshiping my Creator.

 

My goal from now on is to first: focus more on nature, less on taking pictures. Second: thank God for each and every plant and animal I see...even the ones I don't like! Third: Worship. However that may look for that particular situation. Fourth: maybe take some pictures. Fifth: come away from that place loving the experiences of smelling, hearing and seeing while being thankful for the very few (if any) pictures I took. I think God has given me the talent of photography and is glad I am using it...but I also think He'd love if I spent more time praising what He has made instead of absently photographing it then looking at pictures later.

 

But to end this all, I want to share some of my favorite pictures from the trip and am praying that you take the time to praise God for each, for creating such a spectacular earth, and for giving us humans the job of caring for it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

FLEETING: Au Sable Style

As many of you know, I am currently at Au Sable Institute of Environmental Science for 5 weeks. I am taking two classes: Ecological Agriculture and Sustainability along with International Development. During our class yesterday we were asked to write in our reflection journals the word "fleeting" and could either write about that, or whatever we wished. I chose to take up "fleeting" and what it means to me, and I decided I wanted to share just a few of my random thoughts. Forgive me if any of the thoughts are incomplete, my mind was racing and I wrote down what I could get out in the time given to me.

FLEETING

Here for a second, then gone. That's what fleeting is. What was changes in the blink of an eye and everything will never go back to how it was. The 3 ants moving at my feet will never be in the same position they are just this second along with how the wind is moving through the trees, etc. Every second the earth is experiencing its first time being in that state. Like the orcas we saw today. In comparison to the earth's life, their lives are over quickly. Just like our lives. Fleeting.

So what can one do in a fleeting moment? If we give every second to a cause while we are alive, what can we accomplish? Who can we help? What benefits? For the earth's sake, and the sake of those yet to be born into this world, I hope I benefit the least.

In this fleeting moment I call life, what will I fight for? Who will I help? Because even though it is a fleeting moment, everything changes and will never be the same.

Ministry Advice

Alrighty everyone...i'm in need of some solid ministry advice! First, the situation:

There are a few guys I work with during the day for 7 hours a day have both admitted to being atheists. From their use of foul language of nouns, verbs, adjectives and basically any part of a sentence you can think of as well as their choice of conversation topics...it was pretty evident from the start they didn't know Christ.

I never really thought it would be that bad until...things got worse. I wont say what, exactly, but their topic of conversation shifted in a direction that I find horrifying. The one guy sees foul language as just another set of words to use whenever...he sees swear words (all of them) as part of the English language and therefore perfectly ok to use in conversations with Christians, his boss, friends, family, etc. Apparently, they are just words with no meaning attached to them and therefore, cannot be offensive. The other individual swears almost as much but at least knows when to keep his mouth shut.

Both atheists, both guys who swear, both individuals with a lifestyle that makes me shiver. Everyone has continued to tell me they will keep this situation in their prayers. Members of SWAMP church have prayed over it as well and prayed for wisdom on my part. Others tell me my actions speak louder than words and that I must continue to show them love, respect, and hold to the beliefs I have so that maybe, just maybe, they can see that not all Christians are hypocrites.

Yet, I wish there was more I could do. And this is where all of you who are reading this can jump in...you are the advice I need! Maybe some of you have been in a similar situation and can give me some pointers on what worked and what didn't work. Maybe there are some verses you found useful to have memorized to use during conversations or just verses you found encouraging along the tough journey of ministering to someone who doesn't acknowledge Christ. Or maybe something else, some other pieces of advice, anything.

And for those of you who may say "I don't have much advice to offer other than what has already been offered" I ask that you pray (even those that do have advice to give!). Pray that God can continue to work in me and through me to minister to those in the workplace; that I can listen to the whispers of the Holy Spirit, have the wisdom to discern what He is say to do, and the courage to do it. Pray that God can speak into their lives and that their hearts can be opened to what He is doing around them. The summer most likely will not end with them confessing belief in Christ (but GOSH! that would be a miracle!!), but if we can get them to begin to question and looking for answers, God can take that small seed planted in their hearts and make it grow.

Back to Reality

I got engaged last night.

I GOT ENGAGED LAST NIGHT.

HOLY CRAP, I GOT ENGAGED LAST NIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

Can you tell how excited, happy, and enthusiastic I am?!

And I'm sure you're looking for a story too, aren't ya? Well, I got one for you :)



Last night, BJ and I were talking and by the end of the conversation I really felt I needed to confess to him what was on my heart. So I did. I confessed to being selfish and impatient because of a growing jealousy and anger towards his younger brother who had gotten engaged close to the end of last year. My "excuses:" they hadn't been dating as long, what about finances, aren't the oldest siblings in the family suppose to get married first?

I have the worse excuses ever. Seriously. What was I thinking? I wasn't.

So, there I sat, basically admitting to BJ I wasn't ok with where we were at in our relationship. I don't know how he kept his cool, but he did. He didn't judge. He didn't accuse me of being wrong. He forgave me.

At this point tears are streaming down my face, super unattractive, and I ask him to do me one simple favor: to stop asking me to marry him (in the joking way he has been doing for a few weeks) so that I can learn to be content with our relationship exactly where it is at. I owed him that, after everything. He agreed and then.........................................................

HE ASKED ME TO MARRY HIM!

I was confused, bewildered, semi-angryish (but not a lot!) and happy in a what-the-heck-are-you-serious-right-now kind of way. He had to be kidding! But he wasn't. He got up, and opened a silver gray box to reveal the most gorgeous engagement ring i'd ever seen. It's silver, with one high circular diamond surrounded on the left and right with three diamonds that create a heart shape. It wasn't gold like he had wanted, it was silver like I was wanted. Through all this, through my impatience and jealousy and disrespect he had listened to my request of having a silver ring. Maybe that doesn't seem of importance to you, but it meant the world to me. He could love me at my worst. And now there is a ring on my finger!

It wasn't a planned proposal, nor one that required lots of money and time (other than actually ring shopping...). It was simple. Perfect. And will forever be etched in my mind as the day the love of my life asked me to marry him.

That's our story.




All this happened last night. Now, this morning, both BJ and I headed to work on the farm at 4:00am. EARLY! On the way there, I kept being amazed at the grace and forgiveness BJ had shown me in not only forgiving my super selfish actions and words, but in the span of 10 minutes, also ask me to marry him.

That's when God showed up and in a voice, not small or still he said to me: Have not I shown you grace and forgiveness beyond what even he can? Have not I listened to your every prayer and request and answered them? How many times have you praised me in times of great joy, how many times have you looked at me with the love you look at him, as you do BJ? 

Gulp. (x3).

Truthfully, in times of praise...I don't thank God first, or enough, or sometimes I don't even thank Him at all. I take it for granted. And looking at my God with love? I don't do that often at all. Maybe it's because humans are physical creatures, I can see them and touch them. God, I "can't." But my God is in everything: me, the trees, grass, dogs, wind and the sky. All it would take is a glance upwards towards Heaven and an honest cry of joy from the heart, but I don't do that.

From now on, I will. Yes, there will be times when I don't but I am determined to learn from those experiences. It's time to praise God for everything. In the good and bad. First. Not second or last, praise Him first.

God is good people, God is good.