I got engaged last night.
I GOT ENGAGED LAST NIGHT.
HOLY CRAP, I GOT ENGAGED LAST NIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
YYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
Can you tell how excited, happy, and enthusiastic I am?!
And I'm sure you're looking for a story too, aren't ya? Well, I got one for you :)
Last night, BJ and I were talking and by the end of the conversation I really felt I needed to confess to him what was on my heart. So I did. I confessed to being selfish and impatient because of a growing jealousy and anger towards his younger brother who had gotten engaged close to the end of last year. My "excuses:" they hadn't been dating as long, what about finances, aren't the oldest siblings in the family suppose to get married first?
I have the worse excuses ever. Seriously. What was I thinking? I wasn't.
So, there I sat, basically admitting to BJ I wasn't ok with where we were at in our relationship. I don't know how he kept his cool, but he did. He didn't judge. He didn't accuse me of being wrong. He forgave me.
At this point tears are streaming down my face, super unattractive, and I ask him to do me one simple favor: to stop asking me to marry him (in the joking way he has been doing for a few weeks) so that I can learn to be content with our relationship exactly where it is at. I owed him that, after everything. He agreed and then.........................................................
HE ASKED ME TO MARRY HIM!
I was confused, bewildered, semi-angryish (but not a lot!) and happy in a what-the-heck-are-you-serious-right-now kind of way. He had to be kidding! But he wasn't. He got up, and opened a silver gray box to reveal the most gorgeous engagement ring i'd ever seen. It's silver, with one high circular diamond surrounded on the left and right with three diamonds that create a heart shape. It wasn't gold like he had wanted, it was silver like I was wanted. Through all this, through my impatience and jealousy and disrespect he had listened to my request of having a silver ring. Maybe that doesn't seem of importance to you, but it meant the world to me. He could love me at my worst. And now there is a ring on my finger!
It wasn't a planned proposal, nor one that required lots of money and time (other than actually ring shopping...). It was simple. Perfect. And will forever be etched in my mind as the day the love of my life asked me to marry him.
That's our story.
All this happened last night. Now, this morning, both BJ and I headed to work on the farm at 4:00am. EARLY! On the way there, I kept being amazed at the grace and forgiveness BJ had shown me in not only forgiving my super selfish actions and words, but in the span of 10 minutes, also ask me to marry him.
That's when God showed up and in a voice, not small or still he said to me: Have not I shown you grace and forgiveness beyond what even he can? Have not I listened to your every prayer and request and answered them? How many times have you praised me in times of great joy, how many times have you looked at me with the love you look at him, as you do BJ?
Gulp. (x3).
Truthfully, in times of praise...I don't thank God first, or enough, or sometimes I don't even thank Him at all. I take it for granted. And looking at my God with love? I don't do that often at all. Maybe it's because humans are physical creatures, I can see them and touch them. God, I "can't." But my God is in everything: me, the trees, grass, dogs, wind and the sky. All it would take is a glance upwards towards Heaven and an honest cry of joy from the heart, but I don't do that.
From now on, I will. Yes, there will be times when I don't but I am determined to learn from those experiences. It's time to praise God for everything. In the good and bad. First. Not second or last, praise Him first.
God is good people, God is good.
