A Change of Heart

There are times in your life when you don't ask for change, but God does so anyways. Other times you pray for change and nothing seems to happen. Then there are times when you pray and He answers immediately, not in the way you asked, but in a way that shows you the deepest desires of your heart. I've had one such experience this past Monday.
For 6 years I've looked for the Love only Christ can provide from all the wrong people. Whether that be my own father, best friend, boyfriend or teacher, I have always left feeling further from my goal. In reality, i was. Yet i knew in my head that only Christ could fill the hole i had in my soul, but that knowledge wasn't in my heart. It was not something i yet believed. So i continued searching and continued to push the people i loved the most away. I can't say what finally clicked on Monday morning, maybe it was all in God's timing, but i knew that going into prayer at SWAMP church i had to confess to everyone in that room that i was struggling to find His love, that i was purposely avoiding asking Him to hold my heart.
That night we discussed the supernatural Love of Christ. How His love for us is far greater than we know, far greater than we deserve, and sometimes we need to ask for that love in order to love the people in our lives we find hardest to love. And here lay another struggle. I desired with all i had to love God, even if i struggled to "feel" His love; but i loved Him no more than the hatred i had for another girl in my life. I was reminded of the passage in Matthew 25:31-46 concerning the least of these and how my friend put this entire passage into perspective by saying: "Think of the person you love the least, perhaps the one person you don't love at all. Think of that person. That is the greatest amount of love you can have for Christ."
WOW! How little my love was! Here i was, thinking i loved Christ more than most, but i DIDN'T. I was a hypocrite.
Again, God moment, when Char called me out at prayer night, knowing i was struggling with the supernatural love of Christ in both areas of my life. I confessed and sat in the middle of the group. The moment they started praying i felt the Hand of God on my shoulder. Literally, i could have drawn an outline of His hand on my back. A peace filled me. Love filled me. No longer was there a hole in my heart. No longer was there hatred for a girl who didn't deserve it. Supernatural Love came in and made its home in my heart. I can't say i am a different person, but i can say i had a change of heart.