Can I do this?

I ask myself this question constantly, at least 10 times a day, "Can i do this?"

Last semester, God decided that He had had enough of hitting me over the head with a hammer and instead took an entirely different approach to get me to listen and stop running. What started as a walk to cook myself delicious ramen noodles quickly turned into a convicting session with the Lord. LITERALLY He stopped me in the dead of my tracks to inform me that i WOULD be doing youth ministry for the rest of my life and I DIDN'T have a say in the matter. More kindly, i should stop running and start letting Him lead.

Even quicker than His sledgehammer to the head that Tuesday afternoon, came a flood of insecurities and questions about my unworthiness to minister to youth or anybody in general.  "Can I do this? Why me? What do I have to offer to the youth? I can't even teach! How can i teach from the Bible when I myself do not know it very well? God, you have the wrong person!" Does any of this sound familiar? If so, you may be thinking of Moses.

Moses' encounter with God in the Burning Bush started out great, Moses was going to make such an impact on the lives of the Israelites! Yet, he too, questioned God: (below are just 3 of the examples from this passage)

But Moses said to God, "Who am I that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the children of Israel out of Egypt?"(Exodus 3:11)

Then Moses answered, "But behold, they will not believe me or listen to my voice, for they will say, 'The Lord did not appear to you.'" (Exodus 4:1)

But Moses said to the Lord, "Oh, my Lord, I am not eloquent, either in the past or since you have spoken to your servant, but i am slow of speech and of tongue." (Exodus 4:10)

Each time the Lord encourages Moses saying that He will be with him, that He will give powerful signs through him, and that He is the very one who formed Moses mouth! Wow! God was going to, and did, use Moses despite how Moses felt about himself and the lack of self esteem he portrayed in speech. What a lovely reminder that 1) God CAN and WILL use ANYBODY He wishes to do His work. He is God after all. 2) God will EQUIP His servant with all that is necessary to complete the task, even if that is through another person (Aaron in Moses' case) or giving them His knowledge. 3) God WILL NOT just leave you hanging once He tells you to go. Every step of the way, He'll provide guidance, reassurance and Love, among other things (obviously).

So to all those who are out there and ask yourself similar questions, who doubt where God is taking you and if you can "add up" to what He has in store for you: don't worry! He has got your back. He, Himself, knit you in your mothers womb and the plans He has for you will be fulfilled through Him; TRUST Him. With all your heart. And with all your mind.

As a youth ministry minor at Messiah College, i feel inadequate to lead and teach youth about Christ. There are classes I am not required to take because I'm a minor and not a major, plus i wouldn't have the time to anyway on top of being a sustainable agriculture major. I NEED those classes, right? Wrong. My pastor, being the wise man that He is, told me that if God has truly called me to youth ministry, that it will happen and He will equip me in every area i lack an increase my knowledge in the areas I already know some about. How comforting! The journey up to my first job as a youth pastor and all the years following may not be easy and will surely be filled with questions, but I am determined to turn to Christ in my doubts and have Him lead me and use me, for surely He will.